Excerpt From Justin Time: Autobiographical Stories from An American Spiritual Master
When we are born and are flung out into life, we enter a world that we are meant to explore. We have our senses to help us: what does this feel like, and taste like, and smell like? What does this look like? What are the possibilities here? All of us have to embrace and taste this world. Those of us who proceeded boldly have accelerated the pace of this exploration, as compared to those of us who are timid. We should not underestimate this phase because young life is for experiencing and learning and a person should get a thorough taste of experiences. If one avoids this exploration from fear, trepidation or the concepts of something richer than life they will never be able to proceed to the next phase. Whichever way this phase of human life has gone, or is going for a person, they will have to contend with the fact that there are an almost infinite number of permutations of experience in our affluent and flexible culture. Regardless of how many external experiences a person has, there will always be a potential tweak to that experience that will make it appear as new. There is almost no limit to the exploration of the senses, and many people never pass to the next phase because of the appearance of originality. Without personal honesty, or at least paying attention, a person could claim newness in any endeavor by merely changing the venue of that activity.
At some point, after a good deal of this going out in exploration, if we’re paying attention, and are somewhat honest with ourselves, our lives can begin to feel repetitious. We come to suspect that the next repetition will be just another variation on a theme that we have already lived. We want something more, something different. We suspect that there is some elusive depth of quality, some other direction. That suspecting is indicative of a slowing down of one phase, and an entering of another. You know the way it is with a boomerang. It goes out, it goes out, and at some point it has gone out as far as it’s going to go, and now it’s going to be coming back. Certainly when you’re a young person, you should feel enthusiasm for your next hope, your next project, whatever this next thing is that’s going to do it for you. But after years of repetition and repetition, you start to feel a little stale. Now you’re suspecting something else is called for, and maybe it’s time to head in another direction. Not instantly, but to turn around gradually, face in a different direction – an internal direction.
We want to begin on that journey, but what about all the equipment that we used on our going out phase? Can we keep that paraphernalia intact and remaining with us? When rocket ships are sent up, they have certain equipment, but when they’re coming back they have to let go of that equipment. In this new stage, some of that gear may not serve you. As you approach the outer turn of your boomerang curve, you still may need much of your old equipment. Certainly you need your old personality and your self-image. You need to continue to protect yourself in old ways, because you’re only beginning to turn toward home. But as you turn, you find a new kind of current. A current that allows you to be more as you are, and it’s okay. You don’t have to pretend quite as much. You can actually relax, because you’re becoming aware of a different gravity. One that points to getting filled up from within. Maybe you don’t have to depend on filling yourself up with so much activity and variety? It can sound threatening to have to begin to let go of your need for cleverness, appearance, talent or other qualities that have helped you to stand out. Your particular claims to fame and to personal significance – they were all so helpful to you. Those protections were essential, and important, and supplied a feeling of self-worth that was required on the way out!
The return trajectory of this boomerang is not a lightning bolt. As you make that turn and begin to face toward “home”, you find yourself needing less and less of the protective devices of doubt, cynicism, anger, self-righteous indignation, and self-pity. You find yourself keeping elements of many of your old attitudes, but decreasing, because in your re-examination, you see that you don’t need them quite as much anymore. They were very important when you were competing to uphold your self-image. How could you have given your best unless there was a material or relationship goal? But on the way home you find yourself doing your best because it’s the natural thing to do. You don’t need people to notice it. You can begin to give up the need for recognition that was so important on the way out.
Some of us are recognizing that attitudes we were sure we needed, can be let go of ––a little. In letting go of some of those weights that were so important to us as part of the competitive phase of life, our state of being naturally rises. We find ourselves a little kinder, a little bit more patient, a little bit more understanding. We can listen a little better, we can sit still a little longer, we can receive feedback with a little less resistance. We’re a little more curious about something that may not have anything to do with our personal aggrandizement. We’re a little less confident in our opinions, because we know the opposite view also has substance.
Maybe you’re ready to make the turn for “home”. Maybe you have more business to take care of. Maybe you’re approaching the curve and questioning. Wherever you are on the curve of the boomerang, pretending you’re somewhere else will never serve you. Each phase of life has its richness and it’s for us to taste that richness to the fullest.